We share the following anonymous, true story to shed light on the culture inside the walls of correctional institutions. It exemplifies the continuous trauma that individuals endure in the system. It must change and we will continue to speak on behalf of those who have no voice.
It feels good to have my hands in the dirt. The smell of the earth. The pulling of weeds up from between the bright green flourishing plants. The coolness of the water from the garden hose on a steamy hot summer day. It’s a welcome break to be outdoors, working with purpose, with others.
I am lucky enough to be in the garden program at a Massachusetts Department of Corrections Institution. I enjoy it. On the outside, in a previous life, I worked in landscaping so the program offers not only the opportunity to be outside in the fresh air but a small feeling of normalcy in an otherwise strange and foreign land: Prison.
It was just like a typical garden shift. I had been told by the supervisor that an occasional sampling of produce was allowable for those in the program, therefore I did not sneak or hide the harmless act I was about to take. I simply picked a sprig of mint, breathed in the fresh scent, and popped it into my mouth.
Apparently, I was wrong. The CO came over and said I was not allowed to eat the produce. I replied that it was OK because I was in the garden program. I guess she thought I was being a smart ass but I wasn’t. She informed me of the rule that “produce is for donation only and not for personal consumption” and that she was going to report the incident to her superior for disciplinary action, which she did.
This was my first “ticket” in prison. What will this mean for me? Will I get kicked out of the garden program? Or other programs? Will it impact my possibility of parole someday? I am angry, worried, and stressed. I can’t think straight. I can’t sleep. My chest feels tight and I can’t seem to breathe normally.
The reality of never knowing all of the rules and if these rules will randomly be enforced is one of the many parts of prison life that wreaks havoc on my nervous system. Who is this new CO? What mood is she in today? Does she know me and that I am not a troublemaker? I try to stay clear of any and all potential dangers, yet trouble seems inevitable. The emotions experienced due to this incident lasted for days, deeply impacting my quality of life.
I share this story to show the unstable, unpredictable, inconsistent, soul-crushing environment we inmates live under. Sometimes we are treated like human beings; then not. We are viewed through a lens that says “I am better than you and I can do whatever I want to you. Today I can enforce a rule that you didn’t even know about because I think you are a piece of shit.” It is hard for me to convey to those on the outside what it’s like; the suffocation and mental claustrophobia that goes with life inside these walls.
This little taste of mint was costly. After several days, the guys on my unit and I begin joking about “the mint incident”. Humor helps us to cope in this crazy land.
I guess I’m lucky – I’ve been informed that this disciplinary action will not go on my permanent record if I don’t get another ticket for the next 30 days. That should not be a problem, but I guess you never know. Anything can happen.
Photo Image: Maria Sanders, Unsplash
Family and Friends of Individuals with Mental Illness ~ Advocating for those who are Justice Involved 
Unbelievable!
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Thank you for voicing a look into the inside. One of the concerns I have since studying the system of jails, prisons and probation is the ease in which the system can play the “gotcha” game for each and every infraction. Imagine if someone were tracking you 24/7 in every situation and through the most stressful of times. What would your report look like? What would the trackers’ reports look like? Rather than encouragement towards a turning point of accountability, opportunity and second chances, a “gotcha” attitude just serves to beat down those who desire to work towards progress and success.
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Upon reading the Price of a Mint Leafby a incarcerated individual with mental health issues I felt sad.Thinking about it I then realized that the unfairness described is toa large extent a problem of life for many people. Life is unfair formost people and for some it is unfair more frequently.
Most people have various flaws (most ofus are not saints) and can’t always control our emotions. Whensomething negative happens to many of us we often lash out at someonewho is equal or lower in the pecking order, since they have little orno remedy. The individual who has mental health issues, whetherincarcerated or not, probably has a more difficult time dealing withunfairness. Certainly the situation for someone incarcerated may bemore extreme.
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